Part of my weight problems definitely come from my family. And I'm not talking just genetics, I'm talking my mother and the fact that she loves food as much as I do. We all went out to dinner this week for a belated mother's day and we went to a steakhouse. I got ribs. They were delicious and I am so glad I'm not a vegetarian. My mother got bacon wrapped, blue cheese crusted, filet migon. I had a bite and it was amazing. The whole time she was going on about how amazing and rich it was, and I have to agree with was extremely delicious and rich. My mother and I have the same taste in food. We both love things that are bad for you. I can't count how many times we have bonded over food.
I want to be able to enjoy these things, and have these moments where my mother and I actually get along, but I also want to make that the rare occasion. I don't want to 'reward' myself with food, or make up for something I'm lacking with food. I treat food like it's a friend that is going to make me feel better. It's like trying to fill up something that is missing inside of you, by making yourself so full you could puke. I need a healthier relationship with food where I use it for sustenance and limited pleasure instead of acting like it's Rio during Carnival every time I sit down.
This is also important to me because I see how I was raised. When we got a shot at the doctors: ice cream. When we weren't feeling well: whatever would make us happy. The list goes on. I don't want to raise my kids like this. I have never been a skinny person, I was 45lbs when I turned 2, and realistically my ultimate goal isn't to be 'skinny'. I want to be healthy. I want to have kids and be able to raise them to be active and happy. I want to live until I'm 100, and see my grand kids and great grand kids. I don't want to get stopped by diabetes, heart disease, or just obesity that will limit my lifespan.
This week I'm going a strict low carb diet. I have never done this before, but I know that carbs are my ultimate weakness. Bread, potatoes, tortillas...they are all my weakness. I know that if I can give them up, or find alternatives for them, I should be able to balance out my blood sugars and have a better go at loosing weight long term. Wish me luck...and when I'm in a hypoglycemic daze, barely able to remember my own name, tell me to be strong. We're looking toward the end goal!!!