Can a Fat Girl on the inside become a Skinny Girl on the outside?

No one said this was going to be easy...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

It's a Family Affair

Part of my weight problems definitely come from my family. And I'm not talking just genetics, I'm talking my mother and the fact that she loves food as much as I do. We all went out to dinner this week for a belated mother's day and we went to a steakhouse. I got ribs. They were delicious and I am so glad I'm not a vegetarian. My mother got bacon wrapped, blue cheese crusted, filet migon. I had a bite and it was amazing. The whole time she was going on about how amazing and rich it was, and I have to agree with was extremely delicious and rich. My mother and I have the same taste in food. We both love things that are bad for you. I can't count how many times we have bonded over food.

I want to be able to enjoy these things, and have these moments where my mother and I actually get along, but I also want to make that the rare occasion. I don't want to 'reward' myself with food, or make up for something I'm lacking with food. I treat food like it's a friend that is going to make me feel better. It's like trying to fill up something that is missing inside of you, by making yourself so full you could puke. I need a healthier relationship with food where I use it for sustenance and limited pleasure instead of acting like it's Rio during Carnival every time I sit down.

This is also important to me because I see how I was raised. When we got a shot at the doctors: ice cream. When we weren't feeling well: whatever would make us happy. The list goes on. I don't want to raise my kids like this. I have never been a skinny person, I was 45lbs when I turned 2, and realistically my ultimate goal isn't to be 'skinny'. I want to be healthy. I want to have kids and be able to raise them to be active and happy. I want to live until I'm 100, and see my grand kids and great grand kids. I don't want to get stopped by diabetes, heart disease, or just obesity that will limit my lifespan.

This week I'm going a strict low carb diet. I have never done this before, but I know that carbs are my ultimate weakness. Bread, potatoes, tortillas...they are all my weakness. I know that if I can give them up, or find alternatives for them, I should be able to balance out my blood sugars and have a better go at loosing weight long term. Wish me luck...and when I'm in a hypoglycemic daze, barely able to remember my own name, tell me to be strong. We're looking toward the end goal!!!

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