Can a Fat Girl on the inside become a Skinny Girl on the outside?

No one said this was going to be easy...

Monday, April 16, 2012

Discouraged and Determined

I have had a lot of time to think the last few weeks.  Between being sick and just being lazy I have found that my mind has wandered to some dark and dreary places.  Some days I leap out of bed, filled with light and determination, like the clouds that are constantly threatening me have finally lifted.  Other days it takes all the energy that I have not to sink deep under the covers and wait for the day to be over.  I have been touting this idea of getting healthier and yet I haven’t done what I need to do to truly change things.  I have allowed myself to become complacent in my own life and accepted that this is all there is.  I know that is not true.  I was able to conquer these feelings before.  I was able to get up, get moving, pay attention to what I was doing.  I will strive to recapture that.

I will note everything that I put into my body.  I will stop making myself feel like crap, by filling my body with crap.  I will record, everyday, what I am eating, so that it will be harder to spiral out of control.  I will make sure that I am taking in only what I need to keep going, not the amount I need to hide behind.

I will move.  I will get up off the couch.  Every day I am going to get up.  No more laying around, waiting for life to pass me by.  No more waiting for my life to just pass me by.  I will get up and move.  I will ride my bike to work instead of driving the 10mins to campus.  I will remove the blankets from my couch so I am forced to sit up if I want to watch anything.  I will sift through the piles of junk that have accumulated, both in my space and in my head.  I will open the curtains and let the light in instead of cowering in the dark.

I will hold myself accountable.  It has been almost a year since I began writing this blog and I haven’t gotten any closer to my goal.  I will weigh myself.  I will record what the scale says.  I will not make excuses.  I have the power to change this and I will not hold back.  It is one thing to talk about living healthy and making a change, it is quite another to do it.  So I will hold myself accountable and track my progress through weight and measurement.  I may fail.  I’m terrified of failing.  However, if I don’t try, I will never succeed. 


I just ask for your support and understanding as I pull up my big girl panties and step out into the abyss.  I promise I will try.  I will try.

1 comment:

  1. Why are big girl panties so intimidating?! Someone needs to make actual underwear that says "Big girl panties" so I can reach into my drawer and literally pull them out, put them on and face all the evils of this world.
    Stand strong and record your plan. YOU got this!

    ReplyDelete

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