There has been something going around on the interwebs about finding one word that you want to describe 2012. I really had to think about this. Finding one word to sum up a goal, or a feeling that you have for an entire year. So I started by looking back at last year, and what I was most disappointed in myself for not doing.
I'm disappointed that I spent so much time cooped up in my apartment. I still spend too much time sitting alone watching TV. Lacking the basis motivation to leave the house. I am disappointed that I allowed myself to gain so much weight and that I can't seem to make myself strong enough to say no to the comfort that food has given me. There are days when I feel the fat pushing up against my lungs and trapping the active person I know is inside me in a huge cushion of self-loathing. I am disappointed that I let opportunities pass by my window while I was too emotionally tired to deal with the outside world in even the basest fashion.
So this year I want to awaken. I want to take in the world. I want to move. Dance. Laugh. Cry. I want to FEEL what is going on within me and outside of me. I don't want to hide myself away from the world. I no longer want to give myself excuse after excuse not to live every single day. I want to work on this from the inside out. Learn about myself. Accept and love who I am and not allow anyone to make me feel differently. Stop using my weight as an excuse not to get out in the world and let people in.
So this year I will pull myself off the couch. I will make myself feel the sun on my skin and stop hiding away. Someday I will die, and I don't want to lay on my deathbed and cry over all the things I could have done. I will awaken and see the world through new eyes and experiences, well rested from 2011 the year of hibernation.