2012: Awaken

There has been something going around on the interwebs about finding one word that you want to describe 2012.  I really had to think about this.  Finding one word to sum up a goal, or a feeling that you have for an entire year.  So I started by looking back at last year, and what I was most disappointed in myself for not doing.

I'm disappointed that I spent so much time cooped up in my apartment.  I still spend too much time sitting alone watching TV.  Lacking the basis motivation to leave the house.  I am disappointed that I allowed myself to gain so much weight and that I can't seem to make myself strong enough to say no to the comfort that food has given me.  There are days when I feel the fat pushing up against my lungs and trapping the active person I know is inside me in a huge cushion of self-loathing.  I am disappointed that I let opportunities pass by my window while I was too emotionally tired to deal with the outside world in even the basest fashion.

So this year I want to awaken.  I want to take in the world.  I want to move. Dance. Laugh.  Cry.  I want to FEEL what is going on within me and outside of me.  I don't want to hide myself away from the world.  I no longer want to give myself excuse after excuse not to live every single day.  I want to work on this from the inside out.  Learn about myself.  Accept and love who I am and not allow anyone to make me feel differently. Stop using my weight as an excuse not to get out in the world and let people in.

So this year I will pull myself off the couch.  I will make myself feel the sun on my skin and stop hiding away.  Someday I will die, and I don't want to lay on my deathbed and cry over all the things I could have done.  I will awaken and see the world through new eyes and experiences, well rested from 2011 the year of hibernation.